


Picky

by futureboy (PokeRowan)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: First Dates, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeRowan/pseuds/futureboy
Summary: Ryan doesn't want a third date. He wants Jeremy.[Prompted on tumblr]





	Picky

**Author's Note:**

> [RPF disclaimer: Written according to guidelines set by RT employees (to the best of my knowledge). This is a fictional series of events using characters inspired by real people.]
> 
> 21\. “He’s a bad kisser.”  
> “Jeremwood 21! -Anonymous”

“Okay, let’s go over this again, but _slower_ this time, because either _I’m_ a fuckin’ idiot, or _you_ are. Alright?”

“Yup,” says Ryan, feeling uncomfortable.

“The date last night? What was his name?”

“Thomas.”

“And why did you say no to a second date?” asks Jeremy patiently.

“He was so _arrogant_. It was more like a business pitch than a date, he was practically selling himself.”

“And the week before?”

“Morgan. She didn’t tip the server.”

“Last month?” continues Jeremy, getting more and more exasperated.

“Darren. He ordered a shit ton of cocktails and laughed at me when I said I didn’t drink. And then he wanted to split the bill.”

“Okay, that one’s fair… What about before that? When was the last time you went on a _second_ date with anyone?”

“Two months ago,” Ryan says immediately, “his name’s Wes and it… didn’t really work out?”

“Ryan, _c’mon_. How come?”

“He’s a bad kisser,” Ryan mumbles, and looks at his hands.

“Ry,” says Jeremy plainly, “you gotta stop being so picky. Why don’t you just talk it out with some of these people?”

“Don’t wanna.”

“You’re never gonna get to a third date if you don’t stop being picky.”

Ryan doesn’t want a third date. He wants Jeremy.

Jeremy whips out his cell phone and opens up a notes application: “right, you’re gonna tell me what you like in someone and then I’m gonna be your wingman.”

“How are you gonna do that?” he asks suspiciously.

“I’ll just keep an eye out and introduce you to anyone interesting looking. I don’t know. Don’t change the subject, whaddaya like appearance-wise?”

Ryan thinks about it.

“Brown hair.”

“That’s a start,” says Jeremy, tapping away furiously. “Anything else, anything at all?”

“Uh,” Ryan says slowly, “I guess… I guess someone who makes me laugh? I couldn’t go out with someone if I didn’t find them funny.”

“Funny. Got it.”

“And I’d wanna know, like, if there was any kind of short term or long term future in it…”

Jeremy glances up at him. “Uh huh?”

“Well,” Ryan says, shifting in his seat, “I’d wanna know they had my back.”

“Like… They look out for you?”

“…Yeah.”

“Okay,” says Jeremy, saving the note with a flourish, “got it. Brown hair, sense of humour, considerate towards ya. I don’t know about looking out for you, but I’ll be looking out for _them_ for you.”

“…Thanks.”

“No problem, pal. Hang on, I gotta go see Joel for a sec, but I’ll be right back, okay?”

He claps Ryan on the shoulder, stands up, and darts out of the door.

Ryan bangs his head against the fucking desk and wishes for the sweet, cold embrace of the Reaper. He wants the _physical manifestation of death_ to appear, and come and collect him from this mortal plane. Jeremy’s never gonna realise. He’s too fucking scared and dense to tell him, too.

Jeremy wouldn’t only talk about himself on a first date. Jeremy wouldn’t be an asshole to the server, either, because he knew how it felt to be stiffed by tables, knew what it was like to be working two shitty jobs and barely scraping by on those. If Jeremy ever wanted to get drunk, he’d save it for a time when it wasn’t _a first damn date_ , and he’d respect Ryan if he didn’t wanna join in.

(Actually, Ryan would pay for his drinks, too. Solely because Jeremy wouldn’t expect him to do so in the first place.)

And he doesn’t know for sure-- probably won’t ever know, for that matter--

but he likes to think that Jeremy Dooley is a fucking amazing kisser.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me about these silly battle buds on [tumblr](http://futureboy-ao3.tumblr.com), if you like. Let's fill out the Jeremwood archive!


End file.
